The Frequency Game

Why you keep mistaking Soul Recognition for a Soul Match

Photo by Nik Korba on Unsplash

Recently, I find myself sitting at my desk with summer sunshine streaming in, reflecting on the sessions I’ve had this week, and a pattern’s emerged across my clients that’s too significant to ignore.

So many of you are caught in what I’d call a magnetic tug of war, drawn to connections that feel irresistible, that pull at you with an intensity that’s hard to explain, yet when you really look at them, they don’t match what you actually want.

The timing makes sense, and it’s worth understanding why this is surfacing now.

We’re days away from August 8th, Lionsgate Portal, and every 21 years this gateway intensifies its already powerful energy. Whatever needs clearing, whatever needs releasing, gets amplified right now.

So, what you’re experiencing isn’t random. It’s surfaced for a reason and understanding that reason is the first step to working with it instead of against it.

Let me take you through what’s actually happening in these connections so you can see clearly, reclaim your power, and make choices from a place of knowing rather than confusion.

The Pull Is Real. But Here’s What It Actually Is.

That magnetic draw you feel toward someone is not an illusion and it’s not nothing.

What’s happening is a soul-to-soul recognition, a meeting between your soul and another soul that has a history across lifetimes.

That’s the first indicator that something real is occurring, and it’s worth paying attention to because recognition always means something.

But here’s where people get it wrong: recognition doesn’t always mean forever, and it definitely doesn’t always mean a soulmate in the way people throw that word around carelessly.

Recognition means your soul sees another soul it has a history with, and that’s always worth paying attention to, but it’s not a guarantee of anything beyond the recognition itself.

The pull has two parts to it that work together.

The first is pure Soul recognition, that magnetic quality, that feeling that this person is somehow familiar even though you just met them. That’s real and undeniable.

The second part is what I call the Ignition point, and this is where things get interesting because this is where most people misinterpret what’s happening. The ignition point itself has two layers that unfold differently.

The first layer is that instant burst when you first connect with this person and suddenly everything feels electric and amazing, like you’ve found something you’ve been searching for your whole life.

What’s actually happening is you’re experiencing the full potential of what that connection could be, and I want to emphasize that word carefully: potential, not guaranteed results, just potential.

Your nervous system is picking up on what’s possible between you, not what’s actually promised or what will definitely happen.

The second layer of the ignition point is when the triggers start to emerge, and a trigger means anything within your heart space or anything within their heart space that needs to be processed and released in order for a deeper soul-to-soul connection to actually happen.

These triggers surface and activate, and suddenly the connection that felt effortless becomes complicated and challenging in ways you didn’t expect.

So what you’re experiencing is real, the recognition is real, the intensity is absolutely real, but the meaning of it, the actual significance of what this connection represents, that’s where people get lost and confused.

Three Types of Soul Connections (And You Have Multiple Of Each)

Here’s something most people don’t know and it changes everything: you’re not out there searching for your one singular soul connection across all of existence.

That’s a myth. You have multiple soul connections, and they fall into three distinct types that serve very different purposes in your growth and evolution as a soul.

Type one: Soul family or deep friendship connections. These are nonromantic soul-to-soul bonds that come into your life to give you exactly that: deep friendship and understanding without any romantic element.

They’re the person you meet as a child and just instantly know, or the person you meet at work who becomes your best friend overnight, the soul connection that exists purely to give you deep friendship and soul-level understanding.

That’s type one, and it’s significant precisely because it has nothing to do with romance.

Type two: Romantic boot camp. This one gets misnamed constantly, and people call it a twin flame or a karmic connection or a false soulmate, but none of those terms are actually accurate.

Here’s what type two really is: a soul connection that exists only in romantic lifetimes with that specific soul, meaning you’ve never had a friendship only lifetime with them.

Every encounter across time has been romantic, and here’s the important part that most people don’t understand: this type of connection isn’t designed to be full union long term.

It’s designed to teach you something essential about yourself and about romantic love, which is why I call it boot camp. It’s intense, it’s transformative, and it’s temporary.

That’s its purpose, and when you try to make it into something it was never designed to be, you end up confused and hurt.

Type three: Hybrid. This is a soul you’ve had lifetimes with in multiple configurations, one lifetime you were deep friends, another lifetime romantic partners, another lifetime maybe both, so there’s a mix.

A hybrid connection carries the potential for a different kind of depth because you’ve actually known each other in different ways and different contexts across time.

Here’s the thing that’s essential to understand: you don’t have just one of each type.

You have more than one, you have multiple soul family connections, multiple boot camp connections, multiple hybrid connections across your existence. So when that magnetic pull hits, it’s pointing to one of these three types, but which one and what it actually means for you right now depends on something much deeper that most people never look at.

The Cast: Why You Can’t See This Connection For What It Actually Is

Now we get to the real reason you feel pulled toward something that doesn’t match what you want, and this is where everything connects.

Imagine you broke your arm, and at first your body needs protection and holds the bone in place while it heals.

The cast is essential, it does exactly what it’s supposed to do, but once the bone has healed, if you leave that cast on, it stops being medicine and becomes a cage instead. Your muscles start to atrophy from disuse, and the thing that saved you now limits you in ways you never intended.

This is exactly what happens with unprocessed relationship experiences, and it’s so important to understand this mechanism.

When you’re in a connection that’s draining or toxic or just not working, you start building a list, and this list contains all the reasons why this isn’t right.

The person is dishonest, they’re emotionally unavailable, they don’t show up when it matters, they take more than they give. You build this list because it serves a purpose, it protects you, it helps you recognize that you need to leave and get out of a situation that’s hurting you.

Then you do leave, you get out, but here’s what most people don’t realize: you haven’t actually released the energy of what happened.

That list is still there, still living in your heart space, still charged with all the intensity and pain from the experience. It becomes a cast, it holds you in place while your heart heals from the wound, and it’s necessary for that healing at first.

The problem is, when you move into a new connection before that cast comes off on its own, it doesn’t fall away naturally. It stays, and it broadcasts, and the energy of “these are all the things I refuse to experience again” becomes louder and more powerful than your authentic frequency. It becomes the signal you’re actually transmitting out into the world, whether you realize it or not.

So when you feel that magnetic pull toward someone who doesn’t match what you want, you’re not matching to your authentic soul self frequency at all. You’re matching to the cast instead, you’re attracting based on the unprocessed rejection and protection, not based on who you actually are as a soul beneath all that armor.

This is where it gets important and why the recognition matters: that soul connection might actually be a boot camp connection, designed to teach you something essential, but because the cast is in the way, you’re misreading it completely.

You think it’s a hybrid connection or potential forever union when it’s actually something else entirely. You’re not seeing the actual purpose of what this soul came to teach you because the cast is scrambling your recognition system and distorting everything you perceive.

Or maybe this is actually a soul family connection, someone meant to be deep friendship and nothing more, but the cast is pushing you to make it romantic, to make it mean something it was never designed to mean, and that’s where the whole thing falls apart.

The cast doesn’t just block your healing—it distorts what you’re actually seeing and what you’re actually being called toward.

Your Relationship with your Soul Self is key

Here’s what most people miss, and it’s the foundation of everything else: every single relationship you have outside yourself is a mirror, not a window into other people but a mirror into your relationship with you.

The connection you have with your soul self determines the quality of every other connection you’ll ever experience, whether that’s friendship, family, work, romantic love, money, opportunity, or anything else you encounter.

All of it reflects back what you’re broadcasting about your view of your own worth and how deeply you value yourself and your needs.

When that cast is in place, you’re not in an active relationship with your soul self because part of you is frozen, part of you is still protecting yourself from the wound, and that fractured relationship with yourself is what shows up in every connection you attract.

You can’t attract clarity when you’re not clear internally, and you can’t attract alignment when you’re still wearing armor that was meant to be temporary.

Many of us skip right over the foundational work because we want to leap into deep romantic love and deep connection with another soul without first learning how to love and nurture ourselves.

That’s how we end up in deficit, pouring from an empty cup because we haven’t filled it first, and that’s where the magnetic pull toward the wrong person becomes so loud and insistent.

The magnetic pull you feel toward someone who doesn’t match what you want is often an invitation, but not to pursue that person.

It’s an invitation to come back home to yourself, to recognize what’s been calling to you beneath the surface, and to tend to the relationship with your soul self that determines everything else.

Clear The Cast: An Exercise To Release What’s Blocking You

I use this exercise with clients and it works to release that cast, and I recommend you do this exercise a minimum of 3 times with a break or 2 to 3 days between each session.

1. 1) Set a timer on your phone for twenty minutes, and this needs to be uninterrupted time, just for this work and nothing else.

2. 2) Find something to listen to that’s soothing background sound without lyrics—the ocean, rain, instrumental music—and the reason is simple: if you’re listening to lyrics, your brain follows the story of the song and gets distracted from what’s actually coming up for you inside. You need to stay focused on what wants to emerge.

3. 3) Now sit down with pen and paper, and you’re going to answer one question: How do I want to feel in a connection? That’s it, that’s the whole thing, just that one question.

When you start writing, here’s what you’ll notice: most of what comes up at first is what you don’t want, and that’s gold, that’s the cast pouring out in real time.

Write it all down, no judgment, every single thing without hesitation.

If you never want to be with someone who squeezes the toothpaste from the center of the tube, write it down because it matters to you. If you’re tired of being taken for granted or you’ve been hurt by infidelity or neglect or emotional unavailability, write all of it because as you feel safer and safer in this process, the bigger stuff will come through and surface naturally.

Just keep writing for the full twenty minutes.

When the twenty minutes is up, take that piece of paper and tear it into tiny pieces, then throw it away, and what you’ve just done is take all that charged energy out of your heart space.

You’ve given it space and grace on the page, you’ve validated that this is how you’ve been feeling, and then you’ve physically released it, which is more powerful than you might think.

Wait two or three days, and then do the exercise again, and the second time around, similar things might come up, but you’ll start to notice a shift in the intensity and a growing clarity underneath it all.

Do it a third time, two or three days after the second round, and by the third time, here’s what happens: what rises up is how you actually want to feel, not the resistance and not the protection but your authentic frequency underneath it all.

That’s the cast falling away, that’s your soul self starting to broadcast clearly again, and that’s when the real recognition can happen.

Here’s the thing that lands hardest when it lands: how we love others is how we wish to be loved, which means until you get clear on how you want to feel, you won’t see what you’re actually looking for when it shows up in front of you.

Journal Prompts To Deepen Your Understanding

After you’ve done the clearing exercise, sit with these prompts and write without overthinking or filtering what comes through.

Prompt one: If my soul self was in a completely healthy relationship with me right now, how would that show up in how I move through the world and in how I attract connections? What would be different about how I show up, what I’m open to, and what I’m willing to accept?

Prompt two: When I look at this magnetic connection that doesn’t match what I want, what do I think it’s trying to teach me about my relationship with myself, not about the other person but really about me and how I show up in connection?

Prompt three: What does my authentic frequency actually want to feel and experience in a connection—and I want you to sit with this one carefully, not what I think I should want or what I’ve been told I should want, but what I actually want deep down?

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*If you want to go deeper into soul connections and understand the full framework of the three types and the twelve relationship dynamics that exist within them, I’ve written that all out in Soul Connections, and you can grab a copy to explore the full picture and understand how these dynamics actually work in real time.

But for now, the work is simple: recognize what’s happening, clear what’s blocking your signal, and come back home to yourself. Everything else follows from there.

If this article gave you insight or brought up questions share them in the comments section.